Dear…

Dear Kay,

I am playing Dolly Parton’s song and
I am reminiscing the memories of you
not how your face looks like
or the color of your shirt
But I am thinking of our
first conversation, how politely
we repeated each other’s name
I am also thinking of the chocolate
you bought for me that I kept for days before eating
I am thinking of the soft kiss you planted on my forehead the day the cleaner came to pick your carpet from your room. It was my idea you give your room a new look and I am glad we did that day.
I remember the day I had to take a nap at your apartment because my cramps were bad, and how the first thing you asked was if I wanted ice cream when I woke up and saw you holding a glass of chocolate ice cream in front of me
I also remember the fried eggs and baked beans you made for me the first and last day I slept at your end, in the night when I woke up and still saw you sleeping on the floor
You looked funny but you were a handsome boy in a man
and right there I loved you more
I also remember the day I left you a letter at your door step wishing you all the best in life because I wouldn’t be seeing you anymore- not because I didn’t want to
But we both knew we couldn’t have each other. I remember my last encounter with you in the car, I cried and you looked away and I hated the fact that I still had to go through each day without you
We are not even friends. We are not strangers. We are two people with only one keeping all the memories because we both know that you don’t need it. You were the first to teach me the phrase “ the one that got away” I use to cry but I don’t anymore. Maybe that’s the beauty of healing.
It is like an avalanche now, Kay
to find myself loving you after all these years and I know you probably know I have gotten about you
It’s a gracefully sight to watch
How my heart walks towards me
And break gently into smaller pieces
It’s such a beautiful mess
It leaves me crying and laughing
at the same time
and every single emotion I am feeling
I am writing it down and to keep for myself
Because very few will comprehend
a love story written half way
Leaves us with many what ifs
It is the void that keeps letting the memories
Slip in. You were good to me
I was good to you. We were good to each other

PS : I love you
Not for any reason
I love you
I love you
I will always do
and this loving is mine to have
that is why even though I miss you sometimes
i still don’t invite you to share.
This loving is mine,
and I gracefully bear and embrace
all that it comes with

Wherever you are, be safe.
A heart probably forgotten is beating for you right now
If you feel it, don’t ask why
For it won’t last all day
So I hope the wind blows this letter to your door step as a sweet sensation, when you embrace your wife
When you kiss your two cute sons good night
and finally when you sleep

Feel peace in your soul. For those who love you
Carry you in thought, in prayers even in tears.

Feel the peace. Feel the gift of being loved without having to give anything in return.

The one that got away,
Jo.