When I arrived in Accra in September 2014, I first settled at Dome with family. By family I mean my dad’s friend in ministry , with his wife and three children and I felt every feeling of family.
Today, I passed by with my sister to the “old house” and when we got to a junction my sister asked about a friend who used to stay some few blocks away from us, a friend I had taken my sister to see before when she came around for a visit and I simply said “I don’t know where she is”. My simple answer cracked both of us and we laughed out loud but that’s the truth. “I don’t know.”
She married recently and moved out. I added.
I began to recall the moments I have spent with friend, at a point where we almost saw each other every week. We became friends because she was a frequent visitor to the mission house I was staying in and we belonged to the same church. She was studying in Legon and I was having my NSS at 37 Hospital back then . When she completed school a year after, she left. But she left with our relationship sometimes I suppose.
The check up I felt became one sided and gradually I leaned in to the reality. Now, I will write this quick and pretend I didn’t write it at all, I adore friendships but with the slightest weight of unbalance, a certain feeling of one-sidedness my heart begins to cave in for protection, well, not all the time tho, except for those troublesome unwise and young years I was swimming in the pool of unrequited love and didn’t have the energy to neither escape or cave in for protection. Over the years, I’ve been better with people I will unapologetically admit, whilst my new found enlightenment about relationships has brought me great circles of friends, acquaintances and many it -was -pleasant- meeting you moments, strangely but understandably by circle has become small occupying a little space and matter.
I have very few friends now and by that friendship has taken new form with deep meaning to me. When I call you a friend, you really must be one except on the ones I still refer to so out of unwavering politeness I have the human race. Lol. It’s just difficult to put some people in a category. They are neither acquaintances or friends or strangers so I loosely call them “friends”. I should be addressing them as such. Hey “ friend” how are you ?
At a point I was disappointed because I felt my friend didn’t push any harder for us to stay connected. But I realized, people become friends for many reasons and that simply helped me let go of my disappointment and the hope of what I thought our “friendship” could and must look like. I am an active dreamer. I can see myself baby sitting your kids, taking trips, falling asleep in your arms, being at the theater room with you should you ever need to go through a knee replacement surgery at 60. I can see that because I am that friend and truly I can create all these fantasy mixed hopeful wishes all in a small encounter as if I was on psychedelics. Now speaking of LSD’s I really want to try my hands on magic mushroom someday.
We all want something from someone. We all want a language and language is the birth place for belonging, and belonging the feeling and assurance of Love and my determining factor for friendship has been love language. Are we speaking it to each other and do we hear each other clearly enough as they speak?
Truth is, two people can not go beyond anywhere they both are not mutually interested and excited to go and that’s okay and we must begin to accept that reality.
-Jo Nketiah
When I heard some years later through a mutual friend that my friend was getting married, I asked for her number because I had lost it by then. I called her and wished her congratulations and we briefed each other what’s up in our lives. It happened we both were in good places and that was great even if we didn’t have each other in the picture.
We haven’t spoken again after that. We may not be “technically” active friends but we are good memories to each other.
After all, my friend gave me an escape and a hide out and food on days I didn’t want to be at home and in return I also gave her a lot of gifts. Well, I always give the gifts .We weren’t intentionally doing that, but it appears we both simply knew what we wanted from each other even if we didn’t say it.