Dear Kay

There is an old man who sits in front of his porch with an old radio every night at 6:15 PM. There are no lights in his house except a glow from a candle that i often see through his window from afar. Sometimes he plays old country songs and he never sings along. There are days i have worried about him, and wished i knew the things he misses most in his old age. He reminds me of a picture that appears to have traveled through time or maybe it is just me not wanting to live in his past.
Someone once told me that we must accept
that some people hold a place in our hearts, and that’s reserved for a lifetime. It doesn’t mean the rest of our heart can’t be for someone else.
It can and It will. But often we find ourselves asking when?
Today, I thought of you and I remember the first day you told me about the one that got away and all this while I use to think you did but I did. I was the unlucky one, to walk away from love without my trophy. And many times, I have prayed and asked God to let me forget about you, but my heart is just so fond of you. Maybe because I loved you before I fell in love with you. Isn’t it crazy how it chose to be this way? Today I thought of something silly, I told myself, if God made a new you just to compensate losing you, I was still going to choose you. I think God might have laughed as such stubbornness.
You know there are many things that I am happy about, I am happy about your family, above all, I am happy that it was you who moved on and got compensated with another love of your life. When I look at the pain in my heart, I get satisfied that I am the one that goes through it and not you. I wouldn’t bear to see you carry such heaviness.
I can’t fight my heart against loving you
you are what she wants
so, I will keep you
till the day she finally finds the one she needs
my heart will always be a home
for you
for me
for us
for our memories
for the expectations and hope that never came through
for silent prayers
for million wishes that goes out each night to remind us where we are
under one cloud
and you are not too far away from me
because where the wind is
I feel you
I feel your air wrapped around my wings
and I fly with it
dear Kay
love doesn’t always bring people together
but it makes us believe in something magical, something that redeems us from selfishness
even if it means carrying the heart of another person for a moment
but I carry yours
when it rains and raindrops sway with each other
I carry yours when fireflies dance in the light of the moon
I carry yours when jasmines share their fragrance with the wind
I carry every piece of you you embrace and is scared to hold
I carry the remembrance of the truth in your eyes when you stare at me and words fail you
I carry the soft sounds of each breath you make when we look into each other’s eyes and share a smile
I carry the desires of wanting to be in your space and yet not desiring to steal it all away from you
I carry every scent of you when we hug, and I don’t want to let go
I carry what story we were, what we couldn’t be and all that I wished we were in
Damn! I met you so late in life
I couldn’t have asked you to stay for me
Instead I walked away and gave you the freedom to
Walk to what you deserved
I knew I loved you more
even before I lost you.
I’ve always remembered us this way.

Dear Kay, some days bring me closer to redemption and I taste a little bit of salvation.

Yours,
-the- one-that-got-away.

Jo Nketiah