out. in. out.

the woman

today she told me

your kind of love was the
walking type.

i didn’t just stumble and fall
i didn’t just lose my balance momentarily
to think I was not watching
i took steps
counted each rhythm

see how it took time
for my heart to get familiar
with your smile
the way you blink
how your eyes adduct when you frown
how your eyebrows curve high
when you are surprised
and how your eyelids drop
when you are in deep thoughts
how your side view mirrors
when you look away
how your forehead suddenly
wrinkles when you are stressed

where do I find strength to think i can just wake
up and run from all these details?
even if I had the strength and the reason
will it let me?

it is crazy isn’t it?
i feel pathetic
ashamed
embarrassed by my weakening
how many times have i told your story
In songs and poems

so I am walking out
i can’t deny this is taking time
than I could think
painful and slow
maybe sweet i still don’t know

like a shedding of petals
from a young shoot that
could have lived
and bloomed into my favourite
hibiscus or jasmine
but it died young

so this is how I walk
when I miss you
i let myself miss you
that is how I walk

in.
out.

i need you
i admit it
i feel embarrassed
i can pretend

does it sound crazy?
i am vulnerable
to this madness

a thousand eyes on me

it is my Healing
it my path
i trust my heart to show me the process
and if leads me lost again
in you
i’ve walked
a step back before
something brought me in

but

i can walk

out.
in.

again

i am not sure
what my heart says.

 

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